New title and new position

After quite a hiatus, I have returned to my blog. The title "Working Mama" no longer describes me. While I was working outside of the home, I was very proud of that title. I don't regret my 18 months of working and having Maggie in daycare, but I am very happy to have made a change with my working/living/childcare situation.
I now live in the Middle of Nowhere, Kentucky within a mile of my in-laws' house. While that might sound crazy, these last few months have been fabulous. We took several great trips during our long summer vacation. Maggie is enjoying seeing her grandparents nearly everyday. I do some accounting work from home during Maggie's naps and in the evenings.
I hope to start keeping a better journal here and even recount some of those days when I was a working mama.

The long awaited birth story

Sunday November 20, 2005

Tony and I woke up as usual. We look at each other and agree that yet again I have not gone into labor in the middle of the night. We sigh and decide to get on with yet another day without a baby. We attend mass where many prayers are said to please get this baby out of my body. Groceries are bought for the week. I decide to make a pumpkin cheesecake in preparation for Thanksgiving. In the back of my mind, I hope I can never finish this complicated recipe because I'll suddenly go into labor. This does not happen. The cheesecake takes a few hours to prepare and bake, but I complete it. I have decided not to go to work on Monday. My parents are flying in this evening, and I'd rather spend time with them than waddle around my office for another day.

6:00
Tony and I go to the gym. We work out for a full hour.

7:00
In the last minute of my workout on the elliptical machine, I feel a little leakage. I immediately think that maybe my water just broke. I finish my workout and am wondering if that was really it. I decide that it wasn't my water because I don't feel any more leaking. Tony is approaching ready to head home for the night. I consider not mentioning the leakage. I don't want to get both of our hopes up. I tell him about the leakage and my thoughts that it's not really my water. The doctor did say I might lose bladder control.

7:15
We decide to call the doctor just in case. The doctor on call returns my call, and she tells me that I must come to the hospital. Tony and I half-heartedly collect up our things to go the hospital. On the way there, we joke about how this is just a practice run. By now I'm convinced that I must have peed on myself rather than my water breaking. I feel like an idiot.

7:45
We arrive at the hospital. We are immediately put into a room. I get into a gown and have all of the sensors hooked up to monitor the baby's heartbeat and my contractions.

8:00
Desperate Housewives comes on. At least I have something to watch on tv during this waste of time, because I still haven't felt anymore leaking after that initial seepage an hour ago.

8:05
My parents have arrived in Houston. They call Tony for directions. He tells them that we're at the hospital, but that we'll probably be leaving soon.

8:10
My doctor comes in to examine me. She is going to do some test and check out some cells under a microscope to see if she can see amniotic cells. The exam is really short. She says there is no need for the microscope that I am definitely ruptured. We are here to stay. I'm nearly completely effaced and 3 centimeters.

8:15
Tony calls my parents back and tells them to come to the hospital. The contraction monitor shows that I'm having contractions. Apparently that gassy feeling I've been having for several days is what contractions feel like.

8:30
I am given pitosin in my iv. This should make my contractions stronger and get this labor moving.

9:00
Grey's Anatomy comes on. My parents arrive. We're all excited that they made it to Houston just in time for the baby to be born. They stay for a little while then head out to get Tony some food. While they are gone, I start having some painful contractions. Tony and I do the breathing techniques. Everything is going good. My delivery nurse is having trouble tracking the baby's heart rate because she keeps wiggling around. She decides that the baby needs an internal monitor. While she is inserting that, she disturbs my ruptured bag of waters. My water breaks all over the bed. It feels like somebody dumped several buckets of water all over my legs. Tony looks really grossed out.

9:30
My parents are back. The contractions are starting to kick my ass. I'm having powerful contractions every 90 seconds. The contractions last 60 seconds, leaving me with 30 seconds in between to reconsider this decision to be a mother.

9:45
My parents and Tony are eating their burgers. The contractions are officially killing me. I can't keep my legs still during them. I shake all over in between them.

10:00
I ask for an epidural. Now that I have asked for it, I want it immediately. I have to wait a few minutes for the epidural. These few minutes are filled with horrible pain.

10:10
The anestiolgoist arrives. He runs Tony and my Mom out of the room. My dad has retired to the waiting room to sleep. They make me sit up to get ready for the epidural. I just thought the contractions were awful lying down. Sitting up and having contractions felt like the lower half of my body was rebelling against the upper half. The doctor pokes around on my spine for awhile, gives me some local anesthetic, then the big needle. It hurts, but it doesn't hurt nearly as bad as the contractions. I lie back in bed and relax.

10:30
My mom and Tony return to the room. I'm starting to lose feeling in my legs, and mercifully the pain of the contractions is dissipating. By the end of the local news, I'm completely deadened from the waist down. The only way that I know that I'm having a contraction is by watching the monitor.

11:00
My doctor comes back for another look at my progress. I'm now at 5 to 6 centimeters and fully effaced. Thank God, I didn't wait any longer for the epidural. I still have 5 centimeters to go.

11:30-5:30
After all the excitement of the breathing techniques and horrible contractions, labor with an epidural is pretty boring. My mom continues knitting a blanket for the baby. She brought me a Montgomery newspaper with lots of coverage of the Iron Bowl. Tony and I read the paper. I did the crossword puzzle.

5:30
Next check up on my progress. I'm now at 9 centimeters. The delivery nurse starts getting the room ready. I tell my mother that I enjoyed having in her with me during labor, but I only want Tony in the room for delivery. I’m starting to feel the contractions again. Now I only feel the pressure of the contractions not the horrible pain.

6:00
The room is ready. The nurse checks out the cervix, and I am completely dilated. My doctor is paged. My nurse wants to do some practice pushing.

6:10
I did three practice pushes during a contraction, and the baby’s head can be seen. I’m told not to push anymore until the doctor gets there.

6:30
My doctor comes in. I push three times during a contraction. Tony even looks to see the baby’s head emerging. He doesn’t look nearly as disgusted as I thought he would. One more contraction hits me, and I push. I feel lots of pressure then a release, and the baby’s head comes out. The release was the episiotomy. We all wait for one more contraction so I can push.

6:35
I push, and Maggie is born.

Time seems to stand still at this point. I look into Tony’s eyes. He looks like a combination of shock, disgust and pure joy. The slimy wriggly body is placed on top of my stomach. I barely got a good look before she is taken away. The nurses move her a few feet away from my bed to weigh and measure her. I can see her bright pink body and her mass of dark hair. The weight is announced to be 9 lbs. and I can’t believe that I had a baby that big.

6:40ish
After all the baby measuring and sticking her with needles and dropping stuff in her eyes, she is wrapped up and little hat put on her head. While that was going on, I did my final push (placenta, etc.) and started getting cleaned up. The doctor stitched me up. The stitches were not painful but I could feel the thread tugging through my skin. Finally, I go to hold Maggie. To say that it was the most wonderful moment of my life would be an understatement. She was beautiful.

My 9/11 Story

On September 11, 2001, I was 19 years old. I was a sophomore in aerospace engineering at Auburn University. I was living with my brother in a trailer off campus. I worked at the Auburn Airport as a dispatcher.
My alarm went off around 7. It was a clock radio alarm. I listened to a few songs and then the news. The radio announcer said that a plane had run into the World Trade Center. Everyday I worked with small airplanes, so I assumed it was a two seater aircraft that had gotten off course.
I took a shower and got dressed. I was thinking about a linear algebra test that I had that day. I went into the living room and turned on the tv. The image of that smoking tower is still clear in my mind.
I went into my brother's room and woke him up. Clark had been up late working in the architectural studio. We rarely saw each other in the mornings, and I think he most have known from my voice that something was wrong. He sat on the sofa with me, and we watched the first tower fall together. I feel like it was some horrible mixing of our interests, an airplane and a buidling.
I can't remember the first time I talked to Tony that day. We had been dating for less than a month. I know I talked to him some time that morning. He and his roommates were watching the same terrible news unfold. I was already in love with him, and I recall being worried about an attack in Atlanta. He lived very close to the tallest buidlings there.
I went to class. My linear algebra professor gave us the option of taking the test or not. He gave us a little speech about how terrorists want to distrupt our daily lives, and we should not let the attacks affect what we need to accomplish. The class voted to take the test. I can't remember what grade I earned, but I ended up dropping the class a few weeks later. It was not a good idea to take linear algebra and differential equations in the same semester.
I met Jennifer for lunch at Waffle House. We were both pretty upset. We both had thoughts of war in our heads. We discussed the scary option of the draft and how it would affect Tony and Jamie. I worried for Catherine and Joe for the same reason. I can remember us hugging and crying while sitting at the counter.
After lunch, I went to work. Even though all flights had been grounded, the airport stayed open. I caught up on what paperwork needed to get done. The airfield seemed so quiet and empty. I spent most of my shift watching the news coverage.
My mother called me at some point in the day and requested that Clark and I spend that night at her house. On my way to Opelika, I filled up the Blazer with gas. I was worried about price gouging and fuel shortages.
My family all gathered at home that night. We had a quiet dinner and thanked god for each other.

Five years later so much has changed.
Tony and I are married and have a baby. Clark is married with a son due in a few weeks. Jennifer married Jamie, but lost him in an accident this year. Our husbands were never dragged into war, but Catherine's husband is serving his second tour of duty in Iraq.
I work with airplanes everyday, and I fly several times a month. The realities of September 11th surround me, but terror will not stop me from flying.

My thoughts on breastfeeding

We started feeding Maggie real food recently. I have this strange pride in my biological power to grow babies. Maggie lived inside my body for nine months, and I fed her so well that she weighed nine pounds at birth. During the subsequent eight months she has eaten nothing but breast milk that I produced for her. She now weighs nearly nineteen pounds.

Tony has contributed one tiny cell to this project, and I am responsible for all of the rest. I produced nineteen pounds of cuteness. In a way, I’m kind of sad that Maggie will now start getting nourishment from other sources. I have enjoyed being depended on for all of her food. I still plan on breast feeding for a long time, but now my breast milk will be complemented by other foods.

My brother and I were breastfed. My mother always talked about nursing us with a smile even though she did it at a time when there was very little support for breastfeeding. Her mother and mother-in-law had bottle fed their babies. I feel like my decision to breastfeed was made much easier by my mother’s example. I never understood that smile that came to her face when she discussed nursing, but now I do.

It’s hard to describe how much I love nursing. I don’t think anyone can understand it that hasn’t had a fussy baby immediately calmed by breast milk. I feel the ability to produce milk is like a superpower. Men can’t do it, and many women won’t even try it.

The other wonderful benefits of nursing are evident in my body. I am now in a smaller clothes size than I was in 9th grade. I have lost all of my pregnancy weight plus thirty more pounds. I haven’t had a period since February of 2005. I think nursing gives me lots of “happy hormones”; I truly feel like these nine months have been the best of my life.

Flying with Maggie

I work for an airline. My family and I get to fly for cheap, so we fly often. We mostly go to see the grandparents in Alabama and Kentucky. I want to chronicle our system for traveling with a baby.
We usually fly out on Friday nights. So the process begins Thursday evening. First we pack two roll aboard suitcases. Mine is half filled with my clothes for the weekend. Tony's is half filled with his stuff for the weekend. The rest of the packing capacity goes to baby junk: enough outifts to last her for at least a week, diapers, breast pump, bottles, toys, books, camera, etc. The diaper bag is readied for the trip: extra diapers, wipes, nursing blanket (giant bib that goes around my neck so that I don't flash the whole airport when she wants to eat), toys, change of clothes.
Tony works a short day on Friday. He comes home and packs up the car then picks up Maggie from day care. They swing by down town and pick me up. I print off our standby boarding passes at work so we can bypass the ticket counters. We park at an external lot at the airport. The first trip with the baby at six weeks we took the stroller. After that, we decided it was not worth the hassle. I carry Maggie in the Snugli. Tony hooks the car seat on to his suitcase, and I hook the diaper bag on to mine. We load up on the bus and head for the airport. We never check suitcases, because we fly standby and never know if we'll get on the plane until the last minute.
Security is a special challenge for parents with a baby. Tony and I have worked it down to a fine art. We can get through faster than most business travelers with their laptops. Tony is in charge of all bags, while I am in charge of Maggie. The baby must go through the metal detector but she can not be in a car seat, stroller or Snugli. I simultaneously hold our boarding passes, detach the baby for the Snugli, slip the Snugli off of my shoulders, and take off my shoes. Tony grabs the shoes and carrier. Maggie and I walk through the metal detectors while Tony continues throwing all of our crap onto the conveyor belt. I put Maggie in the car seat while I put the carrier back on and then strap her back in. While I'm doing that Tony grabs our stuff as it comes out of the x-ray machine. He loads the diaper bag and car seat back onto the suitcases and puts my shoes on me.
Once we are through that hurdle, we go the gate. Now the joys of standby travel begin. We wait patiently while other passengers are boarded hoping that there will be a seat for us. Sometimes we luck out and get three seats, so Maggie sits in her car seat. Sometimes we can only get two seats, sometimes together sometimes not. I have the authorization to ride in the jump seat in the cockpit. So if there were only one free seat, Tony could take Maggie in the cabin. We have not tried this seating arrangement yet. Maggie likes to nurse during flights, and Tony lacks the equipment. The worst case scenario is no free seats. Then we have to figure out a different flight to make it to our destination.
Maggie is pretty well behaved in flight. She doesn't wiggle too bad, and she usually falls asleep. If Tony isn't seated with us, I probably make my seat mate uncomfortable when I pull out the nursing blanket and start breastfeeding. It's no longer uncomfortable for me, so I don't care. When we started traveling with Maggie, I always tried to nurse during take off and landing. Now, we just nurse when she wants to. The pressure change doesn't seem to bother her ears. I have a theory that it her ears are used to the pressure change because of all the flying I did while pregnant.
Other than eating, Maggie likes to play with a toy or two, sleep and babble during a flight. When we arrive at our destination, Maggie goes back in the Snugli. We grab our suitcases and head to ground transportation. Usually our parents are waiting to pick us up. They are always eager to see the grandbaby. We enjoy the weekend and repeat the process on Sunday to get back home.

Operation Feed Maggie

I made the decision to breast feed my baby. I, also, made the decision to work outside of my home. These two decisions create a lot of work for Tony and I, but the benefits for Maggie are definitely worth the effort.
I leave Maggie at day care each morning after her breakfast at 6:45. I leave 3 bottles for her each day with about 4 ounces in each bottle. Since I went back to work when she was six weeks old the amount in each bottle has slowly increased from 2 to 4.
After I leave her, I drive to the park and ride and hop on my bus with my pumping supplies. At work I pump 3 to 5 times depending on how much free time I have. I pump in a storage closet near to my cubicle. I double pump which is supposed to help maintain my supply. This was a tricky skill to learn, but now I can accomplish the double pump with one hand. My other hand is then free to talk on the phone or work on paper work. Each pumping session yields between 2 and 3 ounces. By the end of the day I usually have between 8 and 10 ounces. I carry the milk home in a soft sided cooler with freezer packs.
While we're apart Maggie usually only drinks two bottles. The third bottle is back up in case something happens and I can't pick her up at the normal time (between 4 and 4:30). She consumes an average of 8 ounces each day from the bottle. That means the remaining ~20 ounces she eats comes direct from the source.
When I pick her up, we usually nurse at the day care before we leave. This gives us a chance to reconnect after our hours apart. She's not necessarily very hungry at this time, just happy to see Mama. I throw her empty bottles into the diaper bag, and we head home.
Once we reach home, preparations for the next day begin. The fresh milk from the day is removed from the cooler and put in the refrigerator. The freezer packs are put in the freezer. The used bottles for the day are rinsed and put in the dishwasher. Bottles for the next day are prepared. Usually just two 4 ounce bottles are made to replace the amount consumed. Any surplus is left in the storage bottle. When the surplus milk from the weekday pumping gets to be five ounces or more I freeze it. The now empty storage bottles are rinsed and put in the dishwasher. The flanges, diaphragms and gaskets (pieces of the pump that come into contact with the milk) are rinsed and put in the dishwasher or washed with really hot water. We try to only run the dishwasher when it's full, so sometimes the pump parts just get a sanitizing wash rather than the full dishwasher treatment. The bottle making and cleaning tasks are shared between Tony and me. He can't physically feed Maggie, but he's a major part of Operation Feed Maggie.
Maggie eats several times during the evening and night. She's generally a content baby, so most of the time when she gets fussy she is ready to eat. These evening and night feedings are a wonderful part of my home life. It makes me happy to be able to feed and comfort my baby. She wakes at least once in the night to nurse, but she immediately goes back to sleep.
Before leaving for work, the pumping bag is packed: three clean storage bottles, flanges, diaphragms and gaskets are thrown in with the other pump parts. The fresh bottles are put in the diaper bag and then moved to the day care refrigerator.
This cycle occurs every weekday. I rarely pump on the weekends. I could pump more then and build up a larger frozen stock pile, but I'd rather do other things and nurse Maggie. The Maggie milk cycle allows for some changes to the routine. Occasionally Maggie has a hungry day and eats all three bottles. A few times a month, I work at the hangars instead of downtown. I still pump on these days, but my yield is not as high. There may be times that I need to work at night (So far, it's only happened once). These nights Tony will have to use the days milk for night consumption. I can make up any disparities with fresh or frozen surplus.
Maggie has flourished with her diet. She weighed 9 pounds at birth and is now over 15 pounds at five months. Some opinions say that I could start feeding her solids now, but I'm planning on waiting for another month or two. Even when she starts solids, her milk consumption will stay about the same. So the Maggie milk cycle will continue until she's at least a year old. Maybe at one year, I'll start giving her cow's milk at day care and continue nursing at night.

Maggie's Sleep Schedule

I want to record a normal night for Maggie at age four and a half months. She's kept roughly this same schedule for the last three months.
9:00 pm
Mama is ready to go to bed. Maggie gets her last meal for the night, and she usually falls asleep in the middle. This last nursing is done laying down in the big bed. I stick the pacifier in her mouth if she'll take it. After she falls asleep, I let her lay there for at least five minutes. She has to be solidly asleep for the move.
9:30ish
I slide one hand under her head and one hand under her butt. I lift her up and over to her cradle. If all goes well, she does not wake up. I cover her with a blankie and get to bed myself. If she does wake up, we repeat the previous step. I'll repeat twice, after that I give up and let her spend the whole night in the bed with me.
12:00ish to 2:00ish
Sometime in that time window, I am awaken by soft baby noises. Little grunts and sighs jolt me from my sleep. She rarely wakes up enough to really cry. I get her out of the cradle, and we nurse laying down. I fall asleep. Maggie falls asleep. I never stay awake for this midnight snack. Soon I will start making an effort to stay awake and put her back in her cradle, but for now she sleeps with us for the second half of the night.
4:30
My crazy husband's alarm goes off. The clock is on my side of the bed so I hit snooze.
4:38
I hit snooze again.
4:46
Tony gets up and turns off the alarm. Sometimes Maggie sleeps through all of the alarms. Sometimes she wakes up and wants an early morning snack. So we nurse again and both fall asleep. Tony gets ready to go to the gym. Maggie and I get a kiss as he leaves.
6:00
My alarm goes off. I get up and leave Maggie sawing toothpicks in the king size bed. I get dressed, feed the kitty, and load up the car with the bags (diaper bag with fresh milk for the daycare, nursing bag with empty bottles and pump, and purse).
6:15
I wake up my sleeping beauty. She stretches and smiles. Maggie is definitely a morning baby. I change her diaper and get her dressed for the day. She goes into the car seat, and we head for the daycare.
6:25
We arrive at the daycare which is deserted. I get into the back seat with Maggie, and she has breakfast. I started this nursing in the parking lot deal in hopes to spend a few extra minutes with her before I had to leave her for the day. She usually eats while I talk to her or sing. Other times she's not interested in nursing so we just play for a few mintures.
6:45
The daycare opens. I drop off my sweet girl. In the future I hope she enjoys our few minutes of bonding in the car and doesn't feel sad when I leave.
I pick her up around 4:30 or earlier. She usually sleeps for several hours while there.
We have a lovely evening together. Then the whole cycle starts all over.
I think I'll write a few posts in the future to chronicle the milk cycle and all the work that goes into keeping Maggie supplied with fresh milk.